Answered Phone Call

I have to share with you my friend’s story......

(for privacy purposes, I’m using fictitious names - thanks for understanding)  

On Sunday my friend, Kelly was in her husband’s office at the church that he pastors.  She stopped in briefly to talk with him and the phone rang.  Understand, it was Sunday morning, offices were closed and she typically doesn’t answer the phone at the church office, but she did.  There was a female voice on the other end asking if there was any way she could get picked up to attend their church service that morning.  Kelly asked a few questions, what’s your name? where are you?  The caller answered, “My name is Heather, I’m at a woman’s shelter a few miles away, I just got out of the hospital last night, I’m here because of a domestic abuse situation and I’d really like to attend your church.  If it’s not too much to ask I really would like a ride.”  Kelly talked with her a little longer and got off the phone.  Heather told her that she would be waiting on the corner outside for her to pick her up.  

This was an odd phone call.  When Kelly answered the phone she assumed that someone was calling who needed to know the times of the services or maybe someone needed directions - who would’ve thought there would be a call this early in the morning from a random person with such a need? AND What were the chances that Kelly just happened to be in the church office to pick up the phone?  THIS was a GOD thing!  How cool was that!  

Ok, so Kelly made a phone call to the woman’s shelter to ensure that the call was legit, did some due diligence and off she went to pick up Heather; she took along a guy from the church to ride in the car with her for safety reasons.

During the drive to church Kelly and Heather got to know each other.  Heather shared with her the situation she was in and how she had broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and had been beaten by her boyfriend.  She explained that she almost died and could not go back to the home where she was living and that she needed to get far away from there so her boyfriend would not find her.  She had NOTHING just the clothes on her back and a small suitcase.  She was in a lot of pain.  Defeated. No money.  No strength.

With the help of Kelly’s church they were able to help Heather purchase a bus ticket to make the journey to another women’s shelter that would get her closer to her family.  She was very grateful for the help.

One question that Kelly asked Heather was, “What prompted you to call our church? Did you find us in the yellow pages? or what?”  Heather responded, “While I was in the hospital last night, the nurse that cared for me suggested that I call your church, she gave me your phone number and said that your church would be compassionate and loving. So I called.  That’s how I found you.”

As Kelly and Heather’s encounter was coming to an end, Heather was dropped off at the shelter to get a taxi to take her to the bus station. Kelly asked her one last question.  She said, “Heather, do you have a relationship with God?  What keeps you going.”  To Kelly’s surprise she responded, “My father is a baptist minister.  Several years ago he told me that I could NOT be a part of HIS family UNLESS I got my tattoo removed, I stopped smoking, and I stopped living my life the way I had been living it.  He has put conditions upon me to be accepted.  I’ve done so many terrible things that God could NEVER forgive me.  I am unlovable - God would not want me.”

Through both of their tears Kelly shared with Heather that she IS worthy of God’s unconditional love no matter what she had done in the past and that what she was believing were lies.  God loves you - JUST AS YOU ARE - He created you, chose YOU! Kelly was able to give her some materials to read to help her understand God’s love and forgiveness and then Heather was gone.

I was touched by this story and I have to tell you why;  this is SO Keeping it Personal - I LOVE IT!!  You see it’s the little things that we do that make the most impact AND it’s those very simple things that we do or say that we may NEVER know the impact it has on another life.

The nurse who referred Heather to Kelly’s church DID NOT let the lingering thought pass through her mind - she took ACTION!  She shared with Heather, she encouraged her, THAT IS Keeping it Personal.

Kelly, picked up the phone, LISTENED, asked questions, gathered information, DID NOT pass judgement and that impacted Heather’s life.

The nurse AND Kelly may never know how what they did or what they said impacted Heather’s life, but they took action and it is so GREAT!!  Priceless.

I am inspired by this story.  I was grateful that Kelly shared it with me.  I hope that it inspires you to take action on those little thoughts no matter what the outcome might be.

Daily KIP:  Mother Teresa once said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." It is so easy to make judgements of others in our hearts and minds. Do you take the time to ask questions and gather information to better understand others; before you judge or form an opinion?

It isn't what you get, it is what you become.

This year I was able to attend my home church, Hosanna!, to celebrate Christmas Eve. For the first time ever, they had a live nativity scene. It was simply amazing. The front altar was covered with hay, and roaming about were 2 camels, a donkey, goat, lamb, calf and geese. Throughout the service, the lamb “baa’ed” and made his voice heard. The dust from the hay emcompassed the congregation, my daughter’s eyes began to water, and we both began to sneeze. The Christmas carols sounded sweet as I’ve ever heard, and a part of me felt like I was really there. It was one of those moments where I looked over at my husband and thought to myself, wow. We are so blessed. Sitting between us were our 2 beautiful children. We were among the animals celebrating Jesus’ birth.

Part of our pastor’s message was this. So much of Christmas has become “what did you get for Christmas?” He said something simple, but something that I’d like to remember. “It isn’t what you get, it is what you become.” I like that. A good overall life lesson. It isn’t what you have, what kind of car you drive, how many toys you own, or how nice your house is- in other words: what you get. It is who you are, and who you become. Approaching every new year, I try and take a good hard look at myself. Who would I like to become, and what am I going to do to get there?

I go back to the fruits of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. I can’t think of a better character checklist than that. Now, where do I begin?

Daily KIP:  Go out of your way to say THANK YOU to others for the little things.

Daily KIP:  Consider honoring the day of rest. Use today to rest up after the busy holiday. Spend time with your families and unwind from the chaos the holidays sometimes bring. Watch a good movie, read a book, or simply have good conversation with those around you!

Daily KIP:  Often times we will never know if or how the simple things we do are making an impact or helping others. "You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." John Wooden

1st Class Connection

On Sunday I got to the airport to catch an evening flight to Ft. Myers, FL.  To my surprise when I checked in, thanks to upgrades, I was seated in 1st Class!  I LOVE it when that happens.  So here were my thoughts......it’s been a LONG week, I haven’t been feeling well AT ALL and I can’t wait to board the airplane, get a pillow and a blanket and sleep for about 3 hours - YES, I need sleep!!

Little did I know that God had other plans for me.  As I got settled into my seat I casually started talking to the guy sitting next to me.  Small talk, “How’s it going?”, “So thankful for the upgrade.”, “Are you from Florida, or just visiting?” Our small talked turned into a 3 hour conversation and NO sleep, but it was worth it!

After about 45 minutes of talking I finally learned that the guy I was talking to had a name, it was Tom.    We shook hands after we formally introduced ourselves to each other and continued talking.  As we talked I learned that Tom was in the financial services industry.  He was heading to Florida looking to potentially purchase another company to grow his company.

I also learned that he was in the process of writing a book.  Boy did I have LOTS of questions about his book project.  I too have a dream of writing a book someday.  His message as he described it to me that he’s writing about in his book was similar to my vision with Keeping it Personal, except with a business angel, how cool is that!!  I was so intrigued by what he was saying and the wisdom that he had with his many years of experience, I can’t WAIT to pick up his book when he’s finished.

Another topic that we covered during the flight was simplifying and living a life of balance; both seem to be so difficult to accomplish at times with everything going on in this world.  One thing that I learned from him and REALLY liked and will incorporate into my life is this.  He said that many times each day he asks himself this......

ADD --- KEEP --- GET RID OF

Ok, so how does that work?, I asked.  First he explained, you have to determine what’s important to you and what is it that you need and desire to KEEP.  THEN as life happens and we are faced to ADD things into our world, whether it’s a material possession or something that will take a time commitment or something in business to expand or grow - how will that effect your KEEP?  As we determine how our KEEP is effected, what, if anything do we need to GET RID OF in order to ADD?

I know it’s a little complicated so let me give you an example on how I relate this to my life.  My husband and I have made a decision that 2010 is our year to simplify - we aren’t going to TRY to do this we ARE doing this and ARE making changes as we do our year end planning and 2010 planning.  

As we make our KEEP list we’ve determined that there are many things that we currently have that we are going to sell or eliminate in our lives in order to have more time and resources.......so our list of GET RID OF is growing and we will work towards that goal in the coming months.  The ADD hits us daily.  We are constantly being approached by others to invest in new “ventures” which take resources that we want to KEEP, so we will have to pay very close attention to this and be sure to go through this exercise - sometimes we can get caught up with a “great opportunity” act too fast and before we know it get completely out of balance because it’s effecting our KEEP and we don’t want to GET RID OF what we wanted to KEEP so as we look back we probably should not have ADDED in the first place.

I am grateful for the connection I made on Sunday and for what I learned from Tom, he inspired me in many ways.  I truly believe it will be life changing.......it's a simple way for me to look at the way I do life.

I wanted to post this on Christmas as I know that for many this is the time of year that we ADD to our lives with Christmas gifts from others.  As you wrap up 2009 and bring on 2010, consider Tom’s statement.  ADD --- KEEP --- GET RID OF.  Is there imbalance in your world?  What can you do to simplify or what adjustments do you feel need to be made?

Wishing you Peace and Joy and a Merry Christmas!

Daily KIP:  Merry Christmas

Do You Believe in Santa?

Monday night, my family set out to see Santa. I piled Owen and Gracie into our car, and met my husband at the local mall around 5 PM.

I should first tell you about the ride to the mall. My 6 year old, Owen, began to ask questions. “Is Santa real?” Apparently Anna, also a first grader, has told all her friends at school that Santa isn’t real. (Thanks Anna.) Owen then said: there is no such thing as reindeer that can fly, and how could there possibly be a santa at every mall? I could just see his little mind going. He then asked a very sweet question- “Do I have to believe in santa?” Not really knowing how to answer, I threw it back at him and said, “Why do you say that?” He answered, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” He then concluded all on his own, that the santa we were going to see was probably a santa helper who communicates back to the real santa everyone’s wish lists. Gracie just sat and listened to this conversation, not really phased by any of it.

When we got to the mall, much to our surprise, there was a very short line! We live in MN, so once inside, my kids threw off their coats and I found myself quickly holding 3 down coats, a purse and camera bag. A mom thing I guess- we can double as a coat tree. As we got closer, we noticed that Santa wasn’t perched in his chair… Yup. He was having dinner. “Be back at 6:00” sign sat on his chair, instead of his friendly face. Some quick decision making, and we decided to wait it out. The “Be back at 6:00” turned into “Be back at 6:20” – I guess he was having dessert. Doug met us in line, and helped out with the coats and helped keep an eye on the kids as they ran in circles.

About half way through the waiting, Gracie began to start whining. I can’t blame her, waiting in line for over an hour is a lot to expect of a 4 year old, even if it is to see Santa. She was begging me to hold her, and when she put her face next to mine, much to my surprise, her face was burning up. Another mom talent- knowing your child has a fever without the use of a thermometer. “My throat hurts, my tummy hurts, my head hurts…” Seriously? Just like that, she started to fade, and fade quickly. We couldn’t exactly leave at that point. Owen was waiting anxiously, and a bit more patiently than the rest of us. I think he wanted to answer some of his “Is Santa real?” questions. We also saw the long line that had formed behind us, and we suddenly felt a greater sense of urgency for Santa to down his dessert and get on with the show. We had visions of Gracie tossing her cookies all over Santa and the line of parents and children behind us raging at the mishap.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen. We made it through the remainder of our wait, and both Owen and Gracie were able to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. We made sure Gracie didn’t get too close (she didn’t actually sit on his lap), and we paid our $17 for 2 hokey pictures to capture the moment. After all, it was the real Santa at the Burnsville mall on Monday night!

Yet another Mickschl memory. I sometimes wonder, does every family have these moments? I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Wishing you and yours a very fun, unexpected, joy-filled Christmas.

Daily KIP:  Share a Christmas tradition with someone younger. Tell a story or share a memory of past holidays with someone you love. We too would LOVE to hear about your holiday traditions, consider commenting and sharing them with us!!

Daily KIP:  Being honest in your relationships will help all your relationships progress and become better. When you are honest in relationships you will also be improving yourself. Remember however, compassionate honesty, make sure to think before you speak. Say things honestly yet nicely.

B.A.B.E

I was NOT feeling well yesterday, the sinus infection or whatever it is that I have right now kept me in bed all day – ugh!!  It took everything I had to get up, get ready and get going to the Christmas concert at our friend’s church.

It took us about an hour to get Hope Presbyterian Church in Ft. Myers – thanks to Google maps on my blackberry, we didn’t get lost! Our friend Bill is the pastor of this church and his wife Andrea Stephens is the author of sixteen books for teens and founder of The B.A.B.E. Seminar Series for teen girls.  The Christmas concert was put on to raise money to support B.A.B.E.

In concert was Ayiesha Woods and her brother Don – they were amazing!!  They did such a wonderful job; delivered a GREAT message focusing on traditions and the real meaning of Christmas.  WOW, I’m soooooo glad we went – what a blessing!

Beautiful. Accepted. Blessed. Eternally Significant.  That’s what B.A.B.E. stands for.  This is the message that Andrea is bringing to teen girls across the country through her ministry – How WONDERFUL!!

I’ve always had compassion in my heart for teen girls, maybe it’s because I get it – I’ve been there. It’s tough growing up, all the drama, boys, friendships, self-esteem, wanting to fit in and then to top it off dealing with all the pressures that society puts on us.  MAN – that’s A LOT of JUNK!! 

While I was at the concert I got to thinking about what the B.A.B.E. message means to me.  I couldn’t help to think that while this is a GREAT message to share with teens that there are older women (and men) everywhere who don’t feel B.A.B.E. – this is a message for EVERY generation!!  I personally struggle at times with acceptance, not feeling beautiful and wonder what my purpose is – and I know others do too!

One thing that Andrea shares is that we were born ON purpose FOR a purpose.  We are ALL Beautiful. Accepted. Blessed. Eternally Significant. and matter to God who created us.   

How do you feel?  What does this message mean to you?  If we strive to feel like B.A.B.E.S think of how life changing that could be to ourselves and others around us.

Daily KIP:  Compliment others, people you know AND strangers. Look for the little things you appreciate in the people you encounter and share it with them. There will be times when the compliment a person receives from you, is the only nice comment they hear that day.

Daily KIP:  To improve your relationships, consider this. Ask 3 open ended questions before you ever react or ask a closed question. You will change the relationship and truly start to understand the other person and their point of view.

Daily KIP:  Gifts don't always have to cost money; sometimes the most valuable gift we can give to another person is free. What FREE gifts are you giving away this holiday which may be priceless to someone else?

Daily KIP:  Do you have the desire, are you willing to grow? We cannot demand growth & maturity from others if we ourselves are unwilling to grow.

Daily KIP: Be in the moment. Instead of worrying about everything else that's going on tomorrow or next week......this may be difficult considering the time of year, BUT, focus on the here and now -- the food, the company, the conversation.

It Takes A Village

I am a pediatric nurse who specializes in evaluating and treating children who have been suspected of being physically or sexually abused. I've been a nurse for the last 16 years, and at my current job for just under 11. Some say to me 'working with abused children must be so hard'. Yes, I suppose it is, but I also have to admit that I've learned to keep a safe distance to be able to go home and sleep at night. When I say distance, I mean my heart.

This time of year, I feel more disturbed than I usually do. Disturbed at the hurt placed upon our most vulnerable children. Hurt from a slap, hit, shake, kick, slam. Hurt from being touched sexually. Hurt from being stuck in the middle of 2 grown ups (their parents) who should know better. Hurt from a parent who doesn't believe their child. Hurt from insufficient housing, or no housing. Hurt from lack of education. Hurt from an angry parent. Hurt from dishonesty. Hurt from hunger. Hurt from disease. Hurt from an unwanted pregnancy. An unwanted child.

I think I feel sad at this time of year the most, simply because I, by contrast, am surrounded by joy. Quite honestly, I feel like many of these children don't stand a chance. Why? Because of their environment. Because of those who were given the privilege of being their parent. Because of their failures. It is a cycle. A tough one to break too. How do you expect a child raised in an unhealthy environment to be any different than all they've known?

It is easy to get into the 'whoa is me' mode. Or the, 'nothing will make a difference' mode. What I have chosen to do- or the approach I have chosen to take- is to do what I can. When I have a chance to interact with families, I try and be a positive influence. When I have an appointment with a child who is living in less than ideal circumstances, I try and provide as much love and encouragement as possible, knowing that the hug I give them may be the only hug they've had in awhile. I choose to pray for them silently. This, however is my job. This, is what I am paid to do. This, is how I help my family pay my bills.

I was thinking about what the average person can do to help children in our community. What I can do, when I'm not at work. It doesn't necessarily have to be with abused children. But remember that age old saying, "It takes a village?" I believe it does. This site is about keeping things personal. Not going about our daily lives, isolated from our neighbors, but getting involved. I want to be that parent, that adult who kids feel safe coming to. The house kids want to hang out at. I think it goes without saying that we all can be positive role models for our children, for our neighbor's children. But, it does take some effort.

I happen to live in an amazing neighborhood where there are children exploding at the seams. We all seem to pitch in and help each other out. Play dates are a common occurrence, and children feel free to wander in and out of their friends' homes, most likely with not a care in the world. What if, though, you had the opportunity to be a positive influence in a child's life. What if a child walked through your doors with a heavy heart. Would you take the time to recognize it? In my job, it is easy. I know up front that I will be working with someone who needs help in one way or another. At home, it may not be so obvious. I may not take the time to recognize how I can affect a child's life. Would you?

I encourage you to open your doors to our children, and be a positive influence in their lives. Did you know that having a positive adult figure in a child's life is a huge protective factor for them? You may be helping in ways you don't even know about. Take time to listen, to be around, to be present, to care. Your actions and words, what you do and don't do, in front of a child may be just what they need.

Daily KIP: Connection isn't JUST about making time for friends and family, it's about CARING for others. Who are you REALLY connecting with? Make the connection.......make the time to truly connect.

Declined

My morning routine, when it’s my turn to take the boys to school, is to go through the drive-thru at Starbucks and grab a coffee before I “hit the highway”.  So, last Thursday I did just that.  Placed my order, pulled up to the window looked in my wallet – had absolutely NO cash, thanks to the boys who tap me out continuously at the hockey rink getting snacks at the concession stand, UGH!  Anyway, so I decided to grab my credit card.  Thinking to me, this is embarrassing that I’m going to charge a $2.00 coffee, I decided to purchase a gift certificate for $20.00.  Yeah, that’s perfect; I can use that gift card later – tomorrow!  So, I gave the card to my friendly Starbucks barista and the card was DECLINED!

Declined?  I said to the Starbucks barista, that’s odd, I JUST paid this down to zero a few days ago.  Luckily I had another card to use, so I gave it to him – it went through, woohoo!  BUT, what’s the deal with the declined card?  This is not a good thing.  This is our main credit card, the one that earns us points that we use for EVERYTHING.  Every month, we charge it up with gas, groceries, business expenses, haircuts, travel, etc. and every month when the statement comes we pay it off.  I immediately got on the phone to FIX the problem since clearly there was a misunderstanding, right?

Initially I talked to customer service – they had to transfer me to another department who could look into this further and after about 30 minutes on the phone, with the boys still in the car on our way to school (traffic was horrible that morning, long commute!), the “credit analyst” informed me that the reason my card was declined was because my credit limit was $900.00 and I had pending charges OVER that limit.  WHAT??  $900.00?  MY limit is $25,000.00 NOT $900.00 – you must be mistaking!!  NOPE they weren’t; You see, Bank of America decided to do a random review of my account and because it had been 5 years since I received the card and they didn’t have my current financial information I apparently didn’t fit into their current guidelines based on the other credit that was extended to me which shows on my credit report.  SO – they adjusted my limit to $900.00.

After taking a deep breath I said very politely, “What can I do to get this back up to where it belongs?  What can I provide to you to fix this NOW?  My husband is traveling on a short business trip with this credit card and he NEEDS access to the funds.”  The credit analyst said, “Ma’am we need to take a new credit application over the phone and it could take up to 48 hours to get this approved.”   REALLY?  Are you kidding me?  You took this away from me without ANY notice, I’ve been super nice and patient through this whole phone call, I’ve NEVER had a late payment with you, and over the last 5 years our relationship has been GREAT, I pay you every month.  I’m sorry, that’s NOT going to work for me.  I need this NOW!  Oh and by the way, I have to hang up now and call my husband to let him know this so he doesn’t look like a fool taking clients out to lunch today with a credit card that will be declined – UGH!!!  I was NOT a happy camper!!!

Ok, so the next call was to my husband.  He could tell I was very upset.  I gave him the run down and I’m sure I over dramatized everything, but I filled him in.  Here’s what he said in a very calming unbothered voice, “Honey, its ok.  It’s not our money.”  I was like, yeah BUT………look at this!  What an inconvenience, we don’t deserve this, we are a great customer, blah, blah, blah, blah.  He listened to me go on for a little bit and said calmly again, “Honey, its ok.  It’s not ours.  We will figure it out.  We don’t need it.  It’s ok.”  He’s so level headed AND has other GREAT qualities, of course, I just LOVE him!!

After shedding a few tears, getting my boys dropped off at school, finally!!  I had a chance to reflect.  It’s now about a week later and I’m still thinking about it……….I learned a HUGE lesson from this.  It’s NOT ours!  None if it!  Everything we have is a blessing on loan to us by God.  Where in the world did I get the sense of entitlement?  I DESERVE to have that credit limit, I earned it?  SICK can I PUKE?!?!  Who do I think I am?

This is not only about material things.  It’s about what has been so freely given can be gone in an instant; our children, health, opportunities, family, friends, shelter, food, everything!

Romans 11:36 says “All things come from him.  All things are directed by him.  All things are for his good. May God be given the glory forever! Amen.”

He is the source of ALL things, I am nothing without Him.  I pray that God will continue to humble me like he did with the declined credit card; that He will open my eyes to see when my focus is not on Him and when I’m becoming dependent on other things or other people.

I HAVE to tell you how the story ended with the card that morning.  I went back to Starbucks sat in a comfy oversized chair with my laptop to view my account online.  My balance was OVER the $900.00 limit, approximately $1,400.00 because of some preauthorization’s for hotel charges and airfare for my husband’s business trip.  To my surprise the reward points that had accumulated over the years were 220,000 – I had never really looked at them before OR what I could do with them.  I took the time to figure it out and I was able to convert them into cash and electronically have a deposit into our checking account.  So today, I checked our account and the money was there……just over $2,000.00 can you believe it??  I used that money to pay off the new balance on the card AND had a little left over.  We haven’t needed the card so now were going to cancel it.  I LOVE how God works!!  He’s soooooooo cool!

Daily KIP:  Who has been encouraging to you? Sometimes we are encouraged "in passing"; sharing with others how they have encouraged us can be a blessing! Think about this and tell people how they have encouraged you.

Daily KIP:  UNDERSTANDING..........often we are so quick to judge what's going on with others or why people in our world do what they do. Take the time to ask questions, listen, and connect to get a better understanding. 

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” Dale Carnegie

You Can't Have it Both Ways

I had a great birthday weekend.  What made it so special was connecting with people I LOVE!  On Saturday my husband treated me and two of my friends to a spa day…..it was just what we needed; ALL of us!  We had facials, massages, relaxed in the hot tub and enjoyed the steam room.  To wrap up our day we ate at a fantastic Mexican restaurant inhaling chips and salsa and fresh made guacamole – YUM, my favorite!!

Of course while we were together we talked NON-STOP, like girls do!  There was one conversation in particular that we had that stuck out to me.  We were reflecting upon some of our past experiences, many of which were new stories – I so enjoy learning new things about my friends!

As we were sharing and laughing about life and some of our experiences one of my friends said this, “I wouldn't choose my difficult and painful experiences, and they were hard to go through but the growth I gained from them changed me into a more compassionate and sensitive person. Those changes wouldn't have happened without the experiences. So you can't have it both ways.”

I really like how she stated that.  So often when I’m connecting with people I hear things like, “I wish that would’ve NEVER happened”, “If I could do life over again, I would change this, that, or the other thing.”  I also know, based on my own past experiences, that when we are hurt, angry, carry resentments, shame and guilt towards ourselves and others we struggle to grow and see what good comes out of our experiences.

There’s the old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”  I agree with that but it’s so vague.  I would like to add some alternative ways to finish that statement, “That which does not kill us CAN……

…..make us more understanding and non-judgmental.”

…..allow us to become angry.”

…..give us opportunities to help others because we can relate.”

…..cause resentment and bitterness towards others.”

…..change us positively.”

…..impact us negatively.”

How do you view your experiences?  Are they opportunities for growth? Or are they set backs?  Would you choose NOT to go through painful and difficult situations? OR Would you go through the same, all-over again because if you hadn’t, who would you be today?  Is there something that you’ve experienced that maybe needs to be looked at differently?

For me, I do need to look at some of my past experiences differently.  I still have some resentments and anger that I need to work through AND I need to forgive myself for some things to be set free from lingering shame and guilt that I’ve been carrying.

I STRIVE to finish the statement above with this approach, “That which does not kill me changes me positively and gives me an opportunity to help others.”

How would YOU finish it?

 

Daily KIP:  Choose your words wisely. We sometimes say things we don't mean and others have a hard time forgetting even if we say we are sorry.

Remembering Our Military Families

Just wanted to throw out there a reminder for everyone to remember military families who may be celebrating Christmas this year without a loved one. Whether it be to send a note, make a visit, or even say some prayers... take a minute to thank those who are sacrificing so much to ensure our freedom.

Daily KIP:  Forgive someone who has offended you. Make a conscious decision to do something that would bless them! You in turn, will be blessed.

Daily KIP:  Who do you need to connect with today? Not letting other people know what's troubling us can cause the problem to trouble us even more. Sharing what's on our mind with a friend gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective.

Daily KIP:  Enroll in a free, online birthday/dates to remember reminder program to alert you of your loved ones' special days. Everyone appreciates a friendly greeting on their birthday AND other memorable days!

Daily KIP:  Choose to be HAPPY today!  No matter how bad your morning was, how naughty the kids were, or if life doesn't seem to be going your way, make the choice to be happy.  Your happiness will shine through to others!

Try

Lately I’ve been frustrated with the word TRY.  I know it sounds strange……really, who actually thinks that much about a word?!?!

I understand that there are times when we need to use the word TRY.  Here are a few examples:

1.  I will not buy clothing without trying them on, for those of you who know me I strongly dislike shopping, so I take the time to try everything on so I don’t have to go back to the store.

2.  People need to try-out for a team or a part in a play.

3.  Trying new foods is another good example – in fact, in our family we have a “try-club” that my boys belong to and this is how we encourage them to try new foods.

I could continue on with many more examples where to “try” something is positive, encourages growth, and gets people to experience more in life – that’s GREAT!!

I’ve often caught myself using the word TRY as a cop-out or an excuse to just move on to the next thing instead of being truly honest.  So let me give you a couple examples of what that looks like:

1.  A friend is telling me about a new seafood restaurant that they LOVED and they recommend it to me.  I say, “OH that’s sounds GREAT, I’ll have to give it a try sometime.”  (SERIOUSLY I have NO intention of ever trying this restaurant – I don’t eat seafood – thanks for sharing!!!  Why couldn’t I have just said that?  That’s REAL!)

2.  I’m talking with someone about a situation that I’m going through and they give me their advice sharing with me something that worked/helped them and I say, “OH that sounds good, I’ll have to try that.”  (BUT, Inside I’m thinking, you have absolutely NO clue what I’m talking about – I soooo don’t agree with you and I’m NOT going to do that – SORRY!!)

Again, I could go on with more examples of this type of “try” and now that I’ve written these, I’m embarrassed to say that I do this OFTEN…….I need to focus on keeping it real with others, WOW!

The “try” that has been frustrating to me are NOT the two I’ve shared above.  You see, over the past month I’ve noticed in others and haven’t been able to understand why some people close to me continue to tell me their “trying” to change certain things but the “certain things” continue to stay the same.  My thoughts are – this trying thing is NOT working!!  JUST DO IT!!  DECIDE and DO IT – don’t try anymore – MAKE IT HAPPEN!!

Here’s one that I see with my boys.  Boys will be boys, they fight, like boys do, and sometimes (ok, a lot of times) are rude and disrespectful – UGH!!  When I talk with them about their behavior the response I typically get from them is, “Ok mom, I’ll try to be nice to my brother.”  NO LESS than 10 minutes later the behavior they said they were TRYING to change comes right back at me.  COME On, BE NICE!! 

As I write this I’m reflecting on me and how I am; Usually when I’m frustrated about something in others, I have to look in the mirror.  I’ve got a lot of work to do in this area in my parenting, relationships, and other situations.  Looks like it’s time for me to answer the question:  What is it that I need to STOP “trying” and DO?

Daily KIP:  Who can you lend a helping hand to? With the extreme weather across the country today - is there someone you know that that could use your help?

Daily KIP:  Patience........take a step back today and be patient. It's amazing what we can see more clearly when we practice this.

Daily KIP:  Is there something that you feel you need to do/say to someone that you've been putting off? Take action on those lingering thoughts today!!

Hearts of gratitude

I am struggling with how to instill in my children a sense of appreciation, thankfulness and gratitude this Christmas season. Christmas for my family is about celebrating Jesus’ birth. Sure, the presents are exciting and Santa is magical, but really it is about sacrifice, generosity, humbleness, humility, gratitude, love, affection and forgiveness.

How, in our society of material goods, do I make sure these messages are communicated to my children who are 4 and 6 years of age? They are at the perfect age of fantasies, of surprises, of toys, of gifts… As parents, we desire to give to our children, but I fear in that process, we have overshadowed the real meaning of Christmas. AND, at times, I sense my children have developed a feeling of entitlement when it comes to ‘stuff’. YUCK!

You know those toy catalogs that are mailed to your homes? We have received plenty of them, and I’m telling you the sharpie has gotten a work out creating their wish lists! Part of it, I know, is their age. I get that. What kid doesn’t love paging through toy catalogs? The truth is that I am guilty of paging through the adult toy catalogs that come weekly. You know, Best Buy, Target, Macys, Wal-Mart… ads? I admit it. I’m a circular junkie. I haven’t broken out the sharpie, but it is no different. Shoot! I haven’t really looked at this behavior as a negative one, but what has it been teaching my children?

I HOPE, for the most part, I have modeled the above characteristics for my children, but I wonder sometimes what else I can be doing. I want to provide opportunities for them to practice. The question I have is HOW?

Wikipedia defined this, “Gratitude, thankfulness, or appreciation is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.”

One of my neighbors has an amazing tradition, and maybe my family can try it this year. Each child receives a gift of money from their grandparents. The gift the children give back to their grandparents is to use that money to bless someone else. It is up to each child how they choose to spend it, but their gift back to their grandparents is to describe what they did with the money and how they blessed another person/family. Isn’t that cool? Instilling a desire to give can only stir up the emotion of gratitude, right? Definitely a start.

I would love to hear from others what traditions your families have, and how you have succeeded in teaching your children this important lesson. I welcome all the wisdom of our friends who have ‘been there’!

Daily KIP:  Offer to watch children of a single parent today so they can have a break and maybe get some shopping or house cleaning done. Or simply bless them with some alone time.

Daily KIP:  Embrace the spirit of JOY today! We will never have the perfect set of circumstances in every situation of our life but we can have joy every day of your life. Joy is not found in the external; it is found in the internal. It is found inside of you in your spirit. Look for Joy........it is a choice; you will impact others!

Daily KIP:  HUG! The beauty of a hug is in its simplicity. The gesture towards another person, known or unknown, is easy. It costs nothing but a simple act of caring and kindness. Who needs a hug today? HUG!

When we don’t have any answers…..

I started this blog on Tuesday evening, three days ago when I was sitting on an airplane flying home from Scottsdale, AZ.  For some reason I had to “pack it up” and put it away, I just couldn’t focus.  Here’s what I wrote on the airplane:

Today my heart is sad…….I can’t seem to hold back the tears.  Over the past few days I’ve been hit head on with several situations; some people very close to me are struggling with severe depression, alcoholism, chronic pain, hopelessness, financial hardships, and broken relationships with children.

I have to admit, I’m angry.  This isn’t a feeling that I have frequently but today I’m sad and I’m angry.  My husband asked me what I was angry about and through my tears I shared that I’m angry because I don’t have any answers!  Here are just a few of my questions…….Why are these things happening?  God where are you in the midst of this despair?  Two of the situations that I mentioned above are ones that I’ve been praying about for many years now – will the pain ever go away?  How can my loved ones continue to suffer?  Why are our prayers not being answered?  What do I say to someone who is hopeless and doesn’t want to live any longer?

On the airplane Tuesday night I shared with Brent, my husband, a thought that I could NOT get out of my head, one that I thought was stupid – UGH!!   I shared, “I know this is so dumb, but I just can’t get this out of my head. I feel that I need to go read this book that I’m reading, Embracing your Freedom by Susie Larson, to my brother.”  Brent encouraged me to do what I needed to do – he actually thought it was a great idea.

I wasn’t sure if I should mention him, by brother, in this blog – BUT I’m “keeping it personal” and this is real.  He’s been sick for about 5 years.  And believe it or not through the many doctors and the trial of almost every recommended medication and treatment you can possibly imagine and prayer he has not been able to find a solution or any answers to help him feel better.  He’s been living with chronic pain and chronic fatigue for years and has given up hope for everything – EVERYTHING!  He is severely depressed and feels no need to continue his life.  He is hopeless. 

That night when I got off the plane, got home and went to bed my heart was heavy for the people in my life who were suffering. 

On Wednesday I had a road trip planned to visit a friend of mine who lives about an hour and a half away.  I love my quiet time in the morning, so I was excited to get up 5am.  I showered, grabbed my Starbucks coffee and hit the road ready to have a long conversation with God.  That I did!!  I prayed and cried asking Him to show me how to be His hands and His feet – I shared with Him that I have NO clue what to do, yet I have such a heavy burden to do something!  I don’t have any answers to my many questions and I KNOW that I can’t fix or rescue anyone from their suffering – so what??  What can I do?  I begged for Him to show me – asked Him to open my eyes to see, my ears to hear, and my heart to know.

I arrived at my friend’s house at 8:15am to drink more coffee and chat – I just love girl time!!  While we were talking my friend asked me about my brother; how he was doing. I let her know that things hadn’t gotten any better, but now he was hopeless, he was defeated and DONE.  I asked her – what do you say to someone who is hopeless?  I told her that I’ve tried to talk with him and encourage him, but I just can’t seem to find the words to say.  Listen to what she said, “Teri, I’m not sure what you need to say, but I feel that you need to read to him.”  She suggested the Bible, not having a clue that I had even thought this same thing.  She continued on saying, “I know this might sound silly, but maybe 3 days a week, go, meet him where he’s at, sit next to him beside his bed and just read to him.”  I was STUNNED - Through my friend, who I drove to see, God confirmed to me an action that I needed to take; I hadn’t shared with her the thought that I had shared with Brent on the airplane, remember, I thought it was stupid thus I wasn’t eager to share that with anyone, but this ultimately answered one of my questions.  What do I say to someone who is hopeless and who doesn’t want to live any longer?

So, 3 days later as I’m wrapping up this lingering “topic” When we don’t have any answers……I am NOT angry, instead, I am challenged to be consistent.  I have no clue where reading to my brother will go.  But today I will start.  I pray that I will be consistent and not quit even if I don’t see the results right away that I so desire for my brother.  I’m a little nervous, I have to admit, but I feel that this is the answer to one of my questions and I’m going with it.